Crossing a Bridge

Anxious, fearful, stressed… those were some very real feelings that I had not so very long ago and so much so that I labelled myself as having a midlife crisis at the age of 37!  It’s been nearly a year since I have posted about my self-proclaimed status and over a year and a half since those feelings first showed up.  I am happy to say… they are fading!!!  So much so that I forgot that I was in a crisis state.

I am not sure when it began to fade, but I do know that I just turned 38 ten days ago, and it really didn’t phase me.  In fact, I am just so joyful in the fact that I am still in my thirties and that I still have two years left in them, how’s that for owning my age!?!

Even though I really didn’t notice when the fading began, I do believe that two factors played very large rolls in this.  First, this brand new teacher that just started working at my school.  She is only 22 and although this is not the first time that I worked with such a young teacher, this is the first time that the difference in our ages is… well, noticeable.  Like, she was 3 when I graduated from high school, I almost could be her mom (but John, is old enough to be her dad).  I even have this skirt, that I still wear from 1998, when she was 4!  Also, she was only in second grade (the same grade my son is in now) my first year of teaching.  The surprising thing about all of this is that it makes me LOL!  I have to admit that I have been using her and making humorous comments about how young she is to help me feel more comfortable with how old I am.  I hope I haven’t come across nasty, I truly haven’t meant too.  In fact, I am so appreciative of her, lol.  She is not the only young person that I have encountered, I have cousins, babysitters, etc.  but for whatever reason, it’s this teacher that has really made me appreciate where I am in life.  I am happy that I am not just starting out.  For all the good, bad and ugly that life has thrown my way… I am proud of who I am and where I am.  Experiences.  You have to earn them and aging is part of that process.

The other factor is my mom and her diagnosis of early set of Alzheimer’s.  Aging really is a privilege.  So I have begun to accept where I am in life and the changes that I have already begin to notice and the changes that I know will come one day.  And when they do, I will do my best to meet them head on as gracefully as I can (oh, there will be tears at times, for sure!) knowing that I am fortunate to have that opportunity.

Ironically, I do hope that I had a midlife crisis at such an early age.  It seems a bit absurd, but since I feel as though I turned a corner, I think I should get to put a big fat check mark next to midlife crisis on my list of things to-do.